I Can't Call It - Reasonable Drought - Stove God Cooks

Posted On Wednesday, April 1, 2020

"Momma said I hope you done with all of that dancing on the stove shit..." - Stove God Cooks

A minute ago I was reading a Nas interview and they asked him how does he keep up with all of the music that drops nowadays and he said that if something's dope enough, it'll find it's way to him. And I thought that just might've been the illest thing he said since "outside right we" cause I was struggling big time trying to keep up with all of the music that drops. So after Nas schooled me to the science of finding new music, I've been relying for dope music to "find me." So about two week ago a couple of folk started telling me about some bul named Stove God Cook$ and my first reaction was "bul's name is STOVE GOD COOKS?!?!?!" Welp, that's just wack...nah I'm good and kept it moving. Then about a week ago, more folk were telling me about him but this time they sent me the album cover, which was really wack so I was like "yeah, I'm mos def not listening bul now. But then I reached out to my guy who's like MY GUY Rican Crack about some real life ish and when HE told me "bro you REALLY need to listen to this Reasonable Drought shit" then I was like "damn...if YOU'RE cosigning this album then I GOTTA listen to it." But here's the thing ya'll, can a rapper with a wack name AND a wack album cover make a dope album? We shall soon find out. 

"My b%tch look like Selena nigga bidi bom, they thought Prince was back the way the semi sung..." - Stove God Cook$

The way "Reasonable Drought" sets off reminds me of how the classic EPMD albums would set off cause I don't which one of the first four EPMD albums you throw on that all set shit off CRAZY & that's exactly what "Rolls Royce Break Lights" does! "Tell them niggaz, the trillest ever did it, shooters in a '92 Intrepid/you got collage work, his shit mixed with his shit mixed with they work, my shit is cinderella slipper/I ain't sorry for the wait I was in the kitchen dancing on a plate, they wrote my story out in invisible ink, they like what took so long I'm like nigga I barely blinked/God bless a homicide, God bless a shooter, your souls a computer, you google rumors/I scale fish boy I move units, stepped on it twice and I meant to/the brick got chandelier crystals, planets revolve my niggaz shoot pistols, his clip don't got a curfew, I close caskets and hearse you, work you, walk a nigga down like Herschel." Did this mofo just say "I close caskets and hearse you, work you, walk a nigga down like Herschel?!?!?" Come on ya'll stop playing. "Bread of Life" has Cook$ breaking down the game &has one of my fave quotables from the album...and trust me it's a lot of em, "wrist god I'm the wrist god, yellow nappy headed legend boy do that brick talk/I just wanna squeeze on Ri Ri's ass know that shit soft, I just want the conscious gods to fuck with my whip talk." Did this mofo just say "I just want the conscious gods to fuck with my whip talk?!?!? And then this nigga's got the AUDACITY to end the song with "Another day another dollar another fucking hater, it's always gonna be one Solange in an elevator." I quit.

"I do prayer while the Tesla drive itself banging Mobb Deep, the bricks came whiter than Jon B..." - Stove God Cook$

"Crosses" and "Pyrex" are both BANANAS while "Jim Boeheim" has Cook$ telling ya'll "you don't wanna make the front of this magazine." "Money Puddles" sounds like Roc wanted to fuck with Cook$ just to see if he could keep up with the beat and he does with no problem, "I told you it was my year, just empty out the safe why you wanna die here/run off on the plug run with my ideas, have shooters in your house like you ordered em from Ikea." This mofo is ordering shooters from Ikea. I quit...again. And please, please, please, PLEASE don't get me started on how Roc freaked the same sample that RJ Payne used for his banger "The Payne" & has Cook$ talking about "I should be beyond all this stove shit I be on, when I hit the kitchen I feel like Celine Dion/it's all coming back to me now, vision came alive in your face I'm the 3D god/he started dancing when those bullets hit his side, pray they miss him, shooter rode off like Missy like he he ha." Did this mofo just say "shooter rode off like Missy like he he ha?" "Gloria Blemente has Cook$ on his pimp jawn like Roc would be while "Lava Lamp" just has Cook$ killing you with more and more quotables, "my dog just came home from a tough bid, I'm like fuck it let's run it up again/you ain't cut from the same thread they sewed me up with, tell them niggaz who jumped ship I said suck dick/stop cappin you know I'm with the shit, I was down now I'm up 10/don't think I should win then catch up then/you gonna need 3 trays and a file tho, you gonna need 3 K's and vial hoe/I'm in a wraith banging old town road, my shit coming nigga hold tight tho I'm in flight mode/50 shades whippin' that white hoe eyes closed, bird box nigga the birds came in boxes nigga/you gonna need to stand on a bird's back to box me nigga, that's the only way your punches gonna reach god." I'm done ya'll. Then this mofo says "I'm Rich Porter mixed with Pete Rock, king of the rerock, in the kitchen so long felt like we was waiting for Detox to drop." Come on ya'll...smdh.

"If I become an author my shit gonna be called To Whip A Bird have a book reading sitting around the stove, since you wanna be Pac, get shot die with that ring in your nose..." - Stove God Cook$

Now keep in mind I've already quit this album at least 8 times already & I've still got 3 songs left. "John Starks" has Cook$ over an ill saxophone sample & I haven't heard an album end this dope in years cause "Blaenciago $tamp" just makes you want another 6 bangers from Cook$ cause this mofo ends the alum with these bars, "shot his balls off, in suite 7 at the Waldorf, moving like Nikolai Volkoff/I seen Jerusalem, I've seen the weight whip, I shot dice on a slave ship, gang shit." Did this mofo just say after someone got their balls shot off and now he's moving like Nikolai Volkoff?!?!?!? I quit...again. But my fave song (yeah, we haven't even gotten to my fave song) on "Reasonable Drought" is "Cocaine Cologne" which is so full of quotable that you can take your pick. How about, "I'm the illest nigga word to god, up under this money tree like finally it's autumn/$400,000 buried in the yard, just in case I got that kush in there to break my fall/when the race start nigga don't you stall, ain't some trill niggas running with you to pass baton if you get tired/snitch nigga had me feeling Kanye talking through his wire, snitch nigga had me in my motherfucking feelings." Or how about "way before we stumbled on that plug shout out to big bro, he taught me how to put these words together then I went pro/first round draft pick straight out the kitchen nigga, straight off that stove, straight out that pot, straight off the diggie nigga." Or you could go with "they tell you what you wanna hear when you're poppin, don't die fucking with them killers Johnnie Cochran/diamonds look like lightning in the winter sky, this that Stove God, Ether Takeover that Jigga Nas pick a side/bullets hit your ride what's a Bentley when you dead inside, what good is living if you're dead inside?"

"Chopper make you cabbage patch I water whip a cyclone, I go psycho with the white flow, your favorite rapper tell me that I'm niceeeeeeee..." - Stove Cook God$

Let me explain something to ya'll. I'm SO scarred from mofos having bullshit intros on their albums that when I first listened to "Reasonable Drought" I skipped over the first track because I thought it was gonna be ANOTHER bullshit intro about Home Depot delivering a new stove to Cook's crib. It's really THAT bad out here in these streets with albums nowadays. And that's just reason 3,483 why I LOOOOOOOOVE "Reasonable Drought" SO much. There's no intro. You press play and guess what? You just music. Just like in the good ole days. I KNOW it sounds crazy right?!?!? And guess what else you DON'T hear on "RD"? No skits! I honestly didn't think recording an album without skits was legal anymore! And THEN guess what else "RD" doesn't have? ZERO FEATURES! No singers, no other rappers...just God forbid...the MC who's album it is. CRAZY right?!?!? Now riddle me this Batman, when is the last time...that you heard...a hip hop album...with no intro, no skits AND no features?!?!? I'll wait cause ya'll gonna have to use the computer in the Bat Cave to answer that question. So not only do we get incredible bars AND beats on "Reasonable Drought" but we get all of that and we get to just hear just Cook$?!?!? THAT right there ladies and gentlemen is more than enough to make this album "great." But can we take a sec to highlight how those bars and beats are the REAL reasons this album is so incredibly dope. Let me break this down so that it can forever be broken, Cook$ has more quotables on ANY song off "RD" then 98% of other MC's have on their ENTIRE album. And the beats?!?!? Maaaaaaan don't get me started on how Roc Marci who IMO isn't even known for being a producer laced Cook$ with the PERFECT backdrop for his cocaine memoirs. So remember back when I asked could a rapper with a wack name AND a wack cover STILL make a dope album? Welp, I'll say this I don't know what another rapper could do, but I sure as F&$K know Stove God Cooks just did it! BTW, I'm good with his name now but that cover is still wack tho lol!

5 outta 5

1 comment

  1. Feel pretty much the same. Conscious head feeling this. Balance it out with some Enemy Radio soon. ��


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