I Can't Call It: 24K Magic - Bruno Mars

Posted On Wednesday, November 30, 2016


Let me explain something to ya'll, there are only a few things in life that I TRULY hate. And let me define hate for ya'll. Hate like hell would be having to do these things for eternity. For example, hell for me would be having to watch The Breakfast Club or Dirty Dancing on repeat for eternity. And when it comes to music hell would definitely be having to listen to Bruno Mar's "Uptown Funk" on repeat for eternity. I don't think ya'll understand how much I HATE that freaking song. I mean, I TRULY hate that song and last year I couldn't escape it. It felt like that song was the ugly shorty around your way who had a crush on you back in middle school and every time you looked up she was in your face...again! Yup...that was "Uptown Funk" for me. So because of that I never payed Bruno Mars any mind cause if dude was on TV, guess what song he was performing? Yup...ya'll guessed it. Then the other day I come downstairs and dude is on 60 Minutes in the studio breaking down his songwriting process & showing how he cooked up his new song "24K Magic" and I won't hold you, the jawn sounded kinda dope. Then the next day my dude Beezo hits me up about Bruno Mars like (and I quote) "he got straight got some Jodeci, Prince & Teddy Riley style tracks on there. Kinda dope." So between the 60 Minutes piece, Beezo's text and the fact I gotta give this new Tribe a break so there's a newly open slot in my rotation, I figured what the hell, I'll give this dude's new album "24K Magic" a spin cause there's no way in hell it could be worse then "Uptown Funk" right?

"24K Magic" sets off with the title track and like I said, the jawn ain't bad. In fact, it kinda knocks and sets the stage for the entire album with it's 80's retro feel to it and will mos def keep the party going that that God forsaken song "Uptown Funk" started it. "Chunky" is more 80's feel good funk and has Bruno telling all the shorty's in the spot plain & simple, "if you ain't here to party take your ass back home, if you getting naughty baby here's my phone/slide with your boy to the bar, slide with your boy to the car/I been searching everywhere and here you are" and "Perm" is an uptempo James Brownish banger that sets off in the vein of Doug E. Fresh & Rick's "The Show" & has Bruno telling the shorty's they need to thrown some perm on their attitudes and just relax." "Versace On The Floors" takes the 80's feel to a whole nother level cause I feel like I'm back in 1986 watching Friday Night Videos and The Jet's "You've Got It All" just came on. And that's not bad meaning bad but bad meaning good. In fact, it's REAL good.


"Straight Up and Down" brings you into the early 90's with a real strong TLC "Diggin' On You Vibe", "Calling All My Lovelies" sounds like some George Clinton Funkadelic cosmic slop and has Bruno's entire pimp game on tap , "I got too many girls on hold for you to be so bold, too many on my team for you to act so mean/you say you wanna go and have fun well you ain't the only one, if I ring, don't let it ring too long or I'm gone/I got Alicia waitin', Aisha waitin' All the eesha's waitin' on me, so why you contemplatin playa hatin, if this is how it's gonna be/I'm callin all my lovelies, cause I can't get a hold of you/since you ain't thinking of me, look what you're making me do." Did this nigga just say "all them eesha's?!?!?!?" You gotta love this dude's pen game! "Finesse" is SOOOOOOO dope and would have you thinking Teddy Riley's back in his producer's bag cooking again. I'm just waiting for BBD, Bobby Brown and Al B Sure to be in the video to make this whole 80's nostalgia come full circle. "24K" ends with "Too Good To Say Goodbye" which is that song you were listening to when your first love broke your heart and you were trying to get shorty back, "tell me why,why can't we try and start again, this can't be how our story ends/you're more than my girl you're my best friend, tell me you remember when/I was your man and you were my girl, it was you and me against the world/ain't nobody gonna love me like the way you do, you ain't never gonna find a love like mine." Yup...that's those are those 8th grade break up lyrics right there. Ya'll sure this album didn't drop in 1988? But my fave banger on "24K" is "That's What I Like." I can't even explain how CRAZY this jawn is, ya'll just gotta press play below and see for yourself.


"24K Magic" is in the same vein of Jake One and Meyer Hawthorne's "Tuxedo" album from last year with nuthin' but that 80's retro sound on tap. In fact, it sounds like it's "Tuxedo" part two and trust me when I say that, it's not a bad thing. And usually after that "retro" style gets done one too many times, (no matter the decade we've all of a sudden decided to recreate) it gets played out to me but if you're a 70's baby or you just rock with that 80's synth style, trust this isn't the album you wanna miss cause this "24K" is the equivalent of  Doc, Marty and the DeLorean taking you back to middle school dances, house parties and trying to sneak shorties in the crib while mom dukes is at work. And the fact that an album that dropped in 2016 got me reminiscing on middle school should be the only testament ya'll need to know how dope this album is. But no matter how dope this album is, don't get it twisted hell is STILL having to listen to "Uptown Funk" on repeat for eternity. Bruno can't do anything to change that...for real!

4 outta 5

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